Thank the maker for giving me the ability to nap for hours end. I would have gone crazy if I had to stay up for that whole drive. My two-legs on the other hand did have to stay up the entire time, but I think he is crazy anyway so it just added to it. In spite of the old saying, sometimes it is the destination and not the journey that are important. Take for instance our journey. The first half (the pretty half where you go through forests and quaint towns) was all done under cover of darkness. While moonlight treetops are nice to look at for a while, it gets boring. Good timing two-legs…

My bed was in the passenger seat. Gave me a good view (when I wasn't sleeping).

The second half (the ugly half were you drive through straight sun-burnt valleys) was all done in the middle of the day in the blazing hot sun. Oh two-legs, you never learn. This is how I spent my time (see picture at right).

I was stressed, needless to say. I think I had a bone for stress chewing, but it did not help. My time was divided between sleeping and pouting. I probably was not a very good passenger, but whatever, my two-legs stole me away from my home. And who is the boss of whom anyway!

The road just seemed to stretch on forever. A never ending march to a destination unknown.

My two-legs hates to stop too, we stopped my three times on the whole way down, and that was just because he had to refuel. Not because his puppy was bored and wanted to run around and smell things. He never cares what I want to do.

*Sigh*

Ok, maybe I am being a touch melodramatic. I suppose if I rack my brain I could think of a few good things…. hmmm….

There were some good smells at the rest stops, mostly urine, not all of it human. I saw a few birds, smelt some bovines, sheepies, emus, et cetera, along the road. I got a sunburn. Yeah, that was not fun. My two-legs cut my hair too short before we left, then let me sit in the sun in the car for hours… it was to be expected.

Sometimes there were exciting things. The almond trees behind me are not one of them. (note my sunburn)

Coming through the mountain range and into the LA Basin our vehicle died. Putt, putt, putt, pfft. sssssssss.

But it was just a minor snag, my two-legs knows how to get his clunker going again. Some time, some water, some more time, and drive really slowly. We eventually managed to crest over the range and coasted into the basin. Phew!

Near the end of our journey I did start to get excited. My two-legs started to perk up and I felt like we were actually headed somewhere.

And we were headed somewhere. Somewhere new. Somewhere exciting. Somewhere I had never been and would in short order be calling my new home.

Santa Monica.

My new home.

I feel like every time I sit down to bang out a post, I have to start off by first apologizing for not posting more. I have excuses though, and this time good ones. Last month I was stricken with an illness that is all too common for us four-legs. Kennel Cough. The hacking, the wheezing, the licking up my own phlegm. I was not pleasant to be around. I had a pretty mild case but it really stuck with me, I just could not shake it.

So then my two-legs (technically the skirted-one) took me to the V-E-T. Yeah, they spelled it out to try to trick me, but I am smart enough to form simple sounds into words. I do have a brain. Anyway, that involved some booster shots, some probing, some sitting on a cold metal table while a strange two-legs examined me. The one silver lining is that it was confirmed that I am no longer a fattie. Hooray for being average weight! The icing on the cake is that big-little-bro is actually now the fattie. He could stand to lose about 5 lbs. Ha! Fattie.

For the past couple weeks I have honestly been too stressed to do much of anything. It all started mid August when my two-legs left me with a stranger for a few days. Then, when they came back my two-legs never left the house. He was just puttering around the house. Cleaning stuff, sometimes putting things into boxes. Something was definitely happening, but I just could not put my paw on it. Suddenly, in a flurry of activity this past weekend, our beautiful home was suddenly picked up an boxed away. They even tried to but me in a box!

I do not deserve this kind of treatment.

Every time they left the apartment it felt like it would be for the last time. I cried and cried. And pooped on the carpet (they did not appreciate that).  Then, two big burly two-legs came and took everything. All my toys, all my bones, the comfy couch, the bed, everything! The apartment was empty except for the skirted-one, my two-legs, and two sad, worried puppies (and tonnes of big-little-bro’s fur. Just look at the contrast where the bed was):

That dark stuff? Dirt and fur. Puppies are messy.

And then, we all left. Separately. My two-legs and I went to his car and the skirted-one and big-little-bro to theirs. I would not see them again for days.

This is all getting too emotional and I will have to break the post here. I will finish up the exciting conclusion in Part Two: It is Not the Journey.

I used to get spoiled before I lived with my two-legs. I could anything I wanted. But now I have to scrounge. I only get his hand me downs. Take my computer for instance. You would think a hip young pup like myself would be rocking a MacBook Air or something. I do have an Apple computer, I suppose I should be happy about that. But being forced to this this jury-rigged computer is just sad:

A beatup PowerBook G4. My window to the world

My two-legs has had this since before I even existed. Both of the hinges have broken off so the screen just flops around like a dead fish. He “fixed” it by adding decorative string and gaffers tape to hold the screen up. Classy eh?

What’s more, his rigging put serious stress on the screen power cords. Now, every few minutes the screen shuts off. I then have to close the lid and reopen it, hoping it will come back on. If not, I close and reopen. Repeat ad nauseum. I think the power brick cord has a short in it… I keep burning my little paws.

Ugh! Forced to use inferior products.

So I have been pouting, and dealing. You have no idea how long it takes to get stuff done when you have to constantly open and close your laptop, are only surfing the Internet with Wireless B speeds, and have to download photos with a USB 1.1 speed port. Slooooooooow let me tell you.

I have a new system in place though. I just log on to my two-legs nice computer when he is at work. Ha! Suck on that two-legs.

Stay tuned for more of TheRufflesReport!

Last week, he might as well have been out of town. I never saw him. He would leave the house early, the skirted one would still be sleeping, I would be nestled in my little bed. He would just get up, shower, and walk out. We were all still asleep. Sometimes he would not even pet me goodbye. How rude!

I would have to sit at home all day, napping and dealing with big-little-bro. He would stumble in with the skirted one at 2000 or 2100. Then we would take a quick jaunt around the block. Then he would go back to bed. Is that lame or what? If I was lucky he would pet me for 20 or 30 minutes before going to sleep, but those days were few and far between.

On the weekend, which is supposed to be our time, he mostly just slept. No 4-legs park. No long walks. No nothing.

Yesterday he was all grumpy because a hard drive of his failed. I do not care if lost tons of data. I want to go for a long walk dammit! (He apparently had most of it backed up somewhere, but not everything. Always backup your data, and never buy Maxtor drives.)

Today he left early again. I can only hope this trend does not continue. I am in dire need of attention.

My two-legs has been spending a significant amount of his time with a skirted two-legs. Which leaves plenty of time for me to sit and pout. They met awkwardly a short while ago when I was supposed to be out marking my trees. He exchanged some un-witty banter with her and then clumsily found out where she worked so he could hang out there. I suppose he figures if he waits long enough she will come around. Apparently it worked cuz here we are…

Me. Alone in the cold apartment. (I suppose I should be grateful I have a bed now.)
Him, with her, and that mongrel of hers. I not a breedist but what does he, a pound-puppy, have over me, a pure bred schnauzer. Big clownish ears and huge drooling tongue is what.

*grumble*grumble*grumble*