My two-legs and the skirted-one have been acting odder than usual. I first noticed this on Monday. The skirted one was actually cleaning! She put away all of our toys and picked up stuff that had been sitting around for months. Odd, I thought, but not totally out of the norm. Then my two-legs comes home and dusts everything. Like June Cleaver or something. Ridiculous.

Tuesday was worse. I really started to get suspicious on Tuesday. He scrubbed the entire bathroom. Normally I would not have noticed as I hate going in there (except for water, which they insist on keeping next to the toilet, the other water bowl) but I started to smell some odd fumes pouring out of there. It was a completely new smell in there when he was done… smelled fresh. I think that is the first time it has smelled like that in there. Then he vacuumed. Boy did he vacuum. Everything. The floors, the beds, the couches, the chairs. There was no escape from the howling cylinder. Big-little-bro had some kind of ‘Nam flashback and started barking in nipping at it. Pretty entertaining to watch, good for a laugh (whilst I was cowering behind the skirted-one)

Then it came. Wednesday. What is traditionally an ordinary day, turned into something extraordinary. We had intruders guests. New two-legs came into our house and brought with them their new smells and willingness to pet us for hours. I am pretty sure they are big-little-bro’s grandparents. The skirted-one calls them “Ma” and “Pa”. They came late Wednesday and stayed up eating chips and drinking beers. They gave us rubs. I got to sit with “Pa.” Big-little-bro kept trying to give them kisses. It was wonderful.

This morning it was more of the same. Scratches, lounging, playing. They even took us to the puppy park this morning. And it is not even Saturday yet. Hooray! It was so nice. And then everyone left us… and it is so nice outside… And I am stuck here, not getting petted, not getting attention, not getting loved.

I am going to sit on the coffee table. That’ll show ‘em.

Yep, I am just going to sit here till they come home.

Anyway, back to the task at hand. It was now Tuesday and I was lounging around the house, racking my brain for ideas on my next post. It has been a very boring uneventful (napping, eating and lounging all day is not boring, it just does not make for good blogging) past few days. Then I remembered a funny phenomenon that occasionally happens in the bedroom (no, not that, get your mind out of the gutter). It is not that funny in words, but is really funny in images. So all I had to do was wait for the right moment. Sure enough, Wednesday morning, my two-legs is getting ready for work, the joy of having him finally be awake has worn off, and big-little-bro and I have laid down again for some needed rest. Yes! This is it! Perfect! I told my two-legs to snap a pic and post it for the world to see:

No, it is not forced perspective. The big dog is in the little bed and the little dog is in the big bed.

Take all that in for a moment. In the upper part of the frame we have me. A 25-ish pound mini-schnauzer, taking up what is probably a 16-inch by 10-inch area of a massive 36-inch by 48-inch pad. At the bottom is big-little-bro. A 80-ish pound uhh, err, dog, oozing out of a 24-inch by 24-inch puppy bed.

Now you may be thinking, “Well maybe your bed is more comfortable?” First off, the pillow that you are supposed to be laying on at the bottom is just bunched but beside him. Probably because two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Secondly, both are equally comfortable beds. Mine (my real bed) is plush microfiber and has little walls that I can nestle into in. His (his real bed) is a hand-crafted aerofoam bed covered in soft microfiber. It was made to his exact dimensions with a bit extra so he could stretch out (the skirted two-legs is a whiz with needle and thread). For reasons I cannot fathom, big-little-bro insists on wedging himself into my bed. Not only is he stretching it out and shedding profusely on it; I do not see how it can possibly be enjoyable to curl up in. Meanwhile I sit like a flea on a tennis court! And I cannot get his bed to my liking because it is aerofoam! You ever tried to move around aerofoam to build up a little cushion? I paw at that thing for about 15 minutes before I just give up. My life  is like the princess and the fricking pea here.

I’m a fairly simple 4-legs. I like chewing, diggin’ in sand, naps, sterilized cow bones, destroying toys, chewing, begging, devouring paper inserts from magazines, chasing after balls, and getting my butt scratched.

Just a typical day for me.

Here’s a picture of me surrounded by my carnage. Lets here, we have two destroyed stuffed animal bodies, delicious innards of said animals, I think I see a dead squeaker from on of them in there, a squeaky tennis ball (best time to chew those is when two-legs is watching tv), the plastic wrapper of some nuts I stole off the table, and me sitting amidst what I have wrought.
My what a banner day that was.

Well, just thought I’d introduce myself while I finally have access to this blog. Ruffles gets very territorial of his stuff. Really the only reason I’m here is cuz he’s pouting. Poor little guy.

I think I hear a little blue bear calling my name. Time to destroy!