Howdy folks! I’m Luke, aka the skirted two-legs dog, or big-little-bro. Ruffles is acting sheepishly today after yesterday’s Speed incident. He forgot that his two-legs timestamps all of the photos and keeps a log. Keanu Reeves he is not.
I’m a fairly simple 4-legs. I like chewing, diggin’ in sand, naps, sterilized cow bones, destroying toys, chewing, begging, devouring paper inserts from magazines, chasing after balls, and getting my butt scratched.
Just a typical day for me.
Here’s a picture of me surrounded by my carnage. Lets here, we have two destroyed stuffed animal bodies, delicious innards of said animals, I think I see a dead squeaker from on of them in there, a squeaky tennis ball (best time to chew those is when two-legs is watching tv), the plastic wrapper of some nuts I stole off the table, and me sitting amidst what I have wrought.
My what a banner day that was.
Well, just thought I’d introduce myself while I finally have access to this blog. Ruffles gets very territorial of his stuff. Really the only reason I’m here is cuz he’s pouting. Poor little guy.
I think I hear a little blue bear calling my name. Time to destroy!
As you may or may not know, my two-legs keeps me under 24-hour surveillance (well, so long as I am in camera shot). He says he does it for a laugh, or to make sure I am OK while he as it work. I really think he likes to spy on my and big-little-bro while he is not here… it is like he does not trust me or something.
But I really pulled it over on him today. In the past I have tried just turning off the webcam from his little black box in the living room; however, he apparently has the magic ability to log into his computer from remote locations and turn the webcam software back on. So I upped the ante. Lets see him turn the computer back on when I unplug it. Muhwahahaha. I am an evil genius.
I told big-little-bro to sit all cute on the 4-legs couch and I would hide in the big circle chair and then we would pull the plug. Now we look all cute and innocent, but in reality, we have total impunity and the apartment is ours!
What shall we do? What shall we do? I think a good long nap is in order. See my locked shot below:
It's just like that scene in Speed when they trick Dennis Hopper
My two-legs always teases me when I sit like this...
It has been pretty quiet here the past few days. The boredom has passed a bit, though I still do not feel quite right. The days progress pretty much the same. Walk. Eat. Play. Sleep. Walk. Eat. Sleep.
My two-legs and the skirted one find it hilarious that I sit with a bit of flare. Just because I partially tuck one leg under my butt and lean to one side does not mean I am a weirdo. I look comfortable right?
There has no rain from the sky in almost 29 days (two-legs time keeping). For me, this is a momentous occasion for multiple reasons. I hate rain. I hate water in general. So no rain means no walks in the rain. Hooray. My two-legs is nice enough to know that I do not like clothes, they upset. Some owners do not quite get that. I read about this poor schnauzer, Fritz, who was forced to wear a slicker. My heart goes out to him.
Most importantly, no rain seems to equal no (or at least fewer) baths. Two-legs does not seem to understand that I can just lick the mud off my paws and underside when we get back from a bad walk in the rain. Instead, he would rather torture me with indoor rain. At least I can anticipate a rain-bath. There is nothing as upsetting as an unexpected bath, unless it is coupled with a haircut. I like to block out those days.
Hmmm, storm clouds seem to rolling in.
Bear and I being bored
ennui [ahn-wee] -noun
a feeling of utter weariness and discontent resulting from satiety or lack of interest; boredom
It was a terribly depressing weekend. I have no idea why. I have felt unbearably skitish since Friday. I do not want to be around anyone and yet I would love it if they gave me scratches. I cannot get comforatable anywhere and just find myself listing from place to place.
Saturday was fine, we spent most of the morning at the 4-legs park. It was kinda hot and I find I do not really like other dogs so I just wandered around and marked things. It is better than a walk around the block that’s for sure. Big-little-bro spent his time chasing after balls and play fighting with a boxer and basset hound. I had to break up the fight with the boxer, he was starting to take it too seriously. But all was well. Other than that I think I just slept… I just did not have the energy.
I hoped Sunday would be better. It was not. My two-legs made morning plans to go see something called Terminator with other two-legged beings. This meant that big-little-bro and I were just getting a walk around the block in the morning. (It was kinda cold out that morning so maybe it was for the best) When he came back this is how he found me, lying in the middle of the floor, seeking solace in Bear. I spent a good portion of the day like that.
I just keep chanting my little mantra “This too shall pass.”
Ruffles, Ghost Watcher
I see ghosts. Not the creepy Sixth Sense “I see dead people” type, but spirits none the less. They float and bob. They sometimes talk, though I have no idea what they say. They are more unintelligible than my two-legs. I can just stare at these phantasms for hours on end. Quite often I do. It is entertaining. I like my specters. So why am I telling you about something I like when I generally expend my typing skills on grumblings? It is because of certain person, a person who just does not understand me. The skirted two-legs.
I have tolerated her pretty well for the 18 months (not in 4-legs time) she has been hanging around my two-legs. She derives an odd pleasure out of smacking my little behind. It feels good for a while but starts to get old. But I digress (smacking will be in a future post).
So take the other day for example. They were sitting on the comfy couch watching The A-Team. Big-little-bro was lying in his corner viciously gnawing on another cow bone. I was comfortably seated in front of the little table staring at the apparition drifting to the right of me. All perfectly normal and happy, life is good. Probably two or three episodes go by, my shade is still hanging out so I figured I would just keep staring. I am supposed to be keeping an eye on things for my two-legs right?
Suddenly, the skirted two-legs calls out, “Hey! Stupid!” Well, that is uncalled for. Here I am minding my own business and she starts yelling at me. “There’s nothing there to look at. Get over here.” I know I should obey, lest I get another smack, but the wraith is still invading my space. Then, with no warning, I am whisked off the ground and into the air. I protest, ‘No! Put me down! I must watch the ghost or he will vanish!’ I do my best to break free of her clasp but long limbs and opposable thumbs are just two much for me to handle. I nip. I grumble. Smack. Smack. Smack. “Stop being such a weirdo.” I return to the ground. Shamed.
I just think I am going to let the phantasms get her next time. I will continue to valiantly protect my two-legs. But she is off my ‘Save from ethereal beings’ list.