Yes, it is Tuesday. Yes, I did promise certain people that I would be posting a regular MWF schedule. Readers will have to use this post to fill the yawing void that is life without reading about my escapades.
Saturday: It was a beautiful day out. Warm, sunny, slight breeze. While some people were running marathons or enjoying Pride festivities, I was soaking up the rays on the balcony all morning. Nice. Early afternoon came and my two-legs finally decided to take us to the park. There was only one other four-legs there, and he was much bigger than me so I mostly just sniffed and marked. My usual. Big-little-bro had a great time though. Two-legs brought the Chuckit which helped burn off some of Luke’s energy. The other four-legs was also real friendly with him. He was also a mix of German Shepard and something so those two boys were like kindred spirits. Play fighting, barking, running. They did it all. Eventually Luke got tired and laid down in the sand, a general indicator that it is time to go home. But we did not go home yet! My two-legs took us three blocks in the wrong direction up to Mud Bay Pet Store. The smells were delicious. I smelt delicious lamb and chicken and beef. I just wanted to attack everything in the store. The other two-legs who were there gave us some treats for being good puppies. Expect after we got the treats little-big-bro got excited, tried to jump up and give her kisses, and knocked the poor two-legs off her legs. Then we left.
The rest of Saturday and frankly the majority of Sunday were spend like this:
I like to nest in the pillows on the puppy coach. Luke takes to the floor to spread out.
It has been pretty status quo around here. My two-legs says he is too “busy” to take me on long fun walks. By busy he must mean sitting on the couch playing computer and/or Wii games. Though I hear him and the skirted two-legs talk about website gigs. And of course, she is always making fun of him for not working out or running like he says he will.
I wish it were Saturday again.
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I had planned on giving you a really ripping yarn about my bodily functions (read: poop) and how they affect my life and the lives of those around me. Then I thought more about it and decided you did not really need to read a post about that. Well, maybe you do, but not right now anyway. Aside: I find it quite humorous how my two-legs has to pick up my poop. Who is the master in that situation again?
Anyway, back to the task at hand. It was now Tuesday and I was lounging around the house, racking my brain for ideas on my next post. It has been a very boring uneventful (napping, eating and lounging all day is not boring, it just does not make for good blogging) past few days. Then I remembered a funny phenomenon that occasionally happens in the bedroom (no, not that, get your mind out of the gutter). It is not that funny in words, but is really funny in images. So all I had to do was wait for the right moment. Sure enough, Wednesday morning, my two-legs is getting ready for work, the joy of having him finally be awake has worn off, and big-little-bro and I have laid down again for some needed rest. Yes! This is it! Perfect! I told my two-legs to snap a pic and post it for the world to see:
No, it is not forced perspective. The big dog is in the little bed and the little dog is in the big bed.
Take all that in for a moment. In the upper part of the frame we have me. A 25-ish pound mini-schnauzer, taking up what is probably a 16-inch by 10-inch area of a massive 36-inch by 48-inch pad. At the bottom is big-little-bro. A 80-ish pound uhh, err, dog, oozing out of a 24-inch by 24-inch puppy bed.
Now you may be thinking, “Well maybe your bed is more comfortable?” First off, the pillow that you are supposed to be laying on at the bottom is just bunched but beside him. Probably because two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. Secondly, both are equally comfortable beds. Mine (my real bed) is plush microfiber and has little walls that I can nestle into in. His (his real bed) is a hand-crafted aerofoam bed covered in soft microfiber. It was made to his exact dimensions with a bit extra so he could stretch out (the skirted two-legs is a whiz with needle and thread). For reasons I cannot fathom, big-little-bro insists on wedging himself into my bed. Not only is he stretching it out and shedding profusely on it; I do not see how it can possibly be enjoyable to curl up in. Meanwhile I sit like a flea on a tennis court! And I cannot get his bed to my liking because it is aerofoam! You ever tried to move around aerofoam to build up a little cushion? I paw at that thing for about 15 minutes before I just give up. My life is like the princess and the fricking pea here.
Howdy folks! I’m Luke, aka the skirted two-legs dog, or big-little-bro. Ruffles is acting sheepishly today after yesterday’s Speed incident. He forgot that his two-legs timestamps all of the photos and keeps a log. Keanu Reeves he is not.
I’m a fairly simple 4-legs. I like chewing, diggin’ in sand, naps, sterilized cow bones, destroying toys, chewing, begging, devouring paper inserts from magazines, chasing after balls, and getting my butt scratched.
Just a typical day for me.
Here’s a picture of me surrounded by my carnage. Lets here, we have two destroyed stuffed animal bodies, delicious innards of said animals, I think I see a dead squeaker from on of them in there, a squeaky tennis ball (best time to chew those is when two-legs is watching tv), the plastic wrapper of some nuts I stole off the table, and me sitting amidst what I have wrought.
My what a banner day that was.
Well, just thought I’d introduce myself while I finally have access to this blog. Ruffles gets very territorial of his stuff. Really the only reason I’m here is cuz he’s pouting. Poor little guy.
I think I hear a little blue bear calling my name. Time to destroy!
As you may or may not know, my two-legs keeps me under 24-hour surveillance (well, so long as I am in camera shot). He says he does it for a laugh, or to make sure I am OK while he as it work. I really think he likes to spy on my and big-little-bro while he is not here… it is like he does not trust me or something.
But I really pulled it over on him today. In the past I have tried just turning off the webcam from his little black box in the living room; however, he apparently has the magic ability to log into his computer from remote locations and turn the webcam software back on. So I upped the ante. Lets see him turn the computer back on when I unplug it. Muhwahahaha. I am an evil genius.
I told big-little-bro to sit all cute on the 4-legs couch and I would hide in the big circle chair and then we would pull the plug. Now we look all cute and innocent, but in reality, we have total impunity and the apartment is ours!
What shall we do? What shall we do? I think a good long nap is in order. See my locked shot below:
It's just like that scene in Speed when they trick Dennis Hopper
My two-legs always teases me when I sit like this...
It has been pretty quiet here the past few days. The boredom has passed a bit, though I still do not feel quite right. The days progress pretty much the same. Walk. Eat. Play. Sleep. Walk. Eat. Sleep.
My two-legs and the skirted one find it hilarious that I sit with a bit of flare. Just because I partially tuck one leg under my butt and lean to one side does not mean I am a weirdo. I look comfortable right?
There has no rain from the sky in almost 29 days (two-legs time keeping). For me, this is a momentous occasion for multiple reasons. I hate rain. I hate water in general. So no rain means no walks in the rain. Hooray. My two-legs is nice enough to know that I do not like clothes, they upset. Some owners do not quite get that. I read about this poor schnauzer, Fritz, who was forced to wear a slicker. My heart goes out to him.
Most importantly, no rain seems to equal no (or at least fewer) baths. Two-legs does not seem to understand that I can just lick the mud off my paws and underside when we get back from a bad walk in the rain. Instead, he would rather torture me with indoor rain. At least I can anticipate a rain-bath. There is nothing as upsetting as an unexpected bath, unless it is coupled with a haircut. I like to block out those days.
Hmmm, storm clouds seem to rolling in.